Cheesy. Corny. Hokey. Call it what you will, each week the show “Full House” delivered family entertainment with a moral lesson. I happily admit to being one of its regular viewers when it originally aired. (It didn’t hurt that John Stamos was one of the stars.) Now in reruns, the show is attracting a whole new generation of viewers.
I was flipping through the channels the other day looking for something to watch when I came upon one of those reruns. I paused to see what the episode was about. The program was near its end, where all the issues of the day are resolved. (Episode formula: problem comes up for adult or child; adult or child struggles with problem; problem reaches its boiling point; family discusses and resolves problem and then has dessert/laugh/hug.)
This particular episode was one I had not seen (probably from one of the last seasons because Becky and Jesse have the twin boys). Danny, the main character and father of three, is arguing with Becky, his sister-in-law and co-host of his morning talk show. Seems Danny quit the show because Becky got a promotion he felt he deserved. They banter back and forth over a family dinner in a restaurant. Finally, Becky blurts out, “You’re just jealous!” Danny denies being jealous, which exacts eye rolls from everyone at the table. I am paraphrasing here: “You think I am jealous?” he asks. “I am not jealous. I just resent the fact that Becky got a promotion and I didn’t. (Pause for laugh track.) Wait a minute, that’s what jealous means. I am jealous.”
We’ve all been in Danny’s shoes, and like him, we may not have realized at the time that what we were feeling was jealousy. The dictionary offers several definitions for jealousy. One is “ feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages.”
We find examples of this kind of jealousy in the Bible. Cain was jealous when God accepted Abel’s offering and not his. He was so jealous that he killed his brother. Joseph’s brothers couldn’t stand it when their father seemed to show him more love and attention. After seeing him parade around in his special multi-colored coat and boasting of dreams in which they would all bow down to him, they had had enough. They threw him in a pit and sold him into slavery.
Extreme jealousy can still manifest itself in violent behavior. Fortunately, most people can manage their normal jealousy. We are always going to run into people that are smarter, richer, thinner, taller, more successful, more popular, more talented, better dressed. etc. Jealousy is not pretty, but it is pretty normal. Once we recognize that’s what we are feeling, we have a choice. You can let it really get to you and grow into a stronger, consuming jealousy, or you can let it go. (It kind of goes back to last week’s article about being content in all situations.)
In Genesis, Cain is angry when his offering is rejected and Abel’s is accepted, and God speaks to him about it.
Genesis 4:6-7
Then the LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it."
Cain’s offering wasn’t rejected because God liked Abel’s better. His offering was rejected because it was unacceptable. Cain’s jealousy consumed him. It led him to murder, which in turn led to him being cursed. If only Cain had brought the right offering, he would have received they same favor as Abel in God’s eyes.
So jealousy of another’s success really isn’t about them; it is about us. It’s about our insecurities or feelings that we haven’t attained a level of success that we want or believe we deserve. When you feel jealous because of someone’s success or accomplishments, ask yourself some questions. Did that person work for their achievements? What sacrifices did they have to make? Would you be willing to make the same sacrifices?
When my daughter was 18 months old, I left my career in public relations to become a stay-at-home mom. It’s a decision I’ve never regretted, though there were times I envied my girlfriends who worked and were able to buy new things, travel, go out to eat every weekend, etc. Then I would see my beautiful girl and realize it was worth the cost. My friends might have had a lot of buying power, but it cost them something, too – less time with their families. And, it turns out some of them were jealous of my choice. They would have loved to have been at home, but they couldn’t afford or weren’t willing to pay the price.
Jealousy within a family or an organization, like your church, can be devastating. Games of one-upmanship, petty bickering, pouting and what I call “cry babying” can hinder the work you are trying to do. Within a church, you have people who have gifts and callings, and that can sometimes result in jealousies. We need to remember that these gifts and callings are from God to be used for His glory and not to exalt and glorify the people who have them. Instead of being jealous, we need to do the following:
1. Thank God that He has provided for the church through that gift or talent.
2. Pray for the person that they would use their gifts and callings for God.
3. Pray that God would help us know what our gifts and callings are so that we can start using them.
So when it comes to jealousy, it not about someone else, it is about us. And when it comes to the things of God, it’s not about us, but about Him.
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Is there a kind of jealousy that is acceptable? Next week’s article will address that question.
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I am still new at this blogging thing. I want to thank everyone for their kind words of encouragement. Have a blessed week!