Family Visits

susannelson • November 19, 2010

The great thing about the holidays: we get to spend time with our family.

 

The bad thing about the holidays: we get to spend time with our family.

 

Spending time with our family is important to me and my husband. All of our family is out of state, so we spend a lot of time on the road each year going to visit. We have family in Kentucky , Pennsylvania , Maryland , North Carolina and Virginia . I come from a large extended family and my husband has a smaller family circle. He's use to just being with immediate family. I am use to being around the extended family - aunts, uncles, cousins, great aunts and uncles, second cousins, third cousins, etc. Our visits are usually very enjoyable, due in large part, I think, to the fact that they are planned in advance at a time that works for all parties. In other words, the visits are on our own terms - we stay long enough to enjoy each other and not so long that we get on each other's nerves.

 

The holidays make family visits a little more complicated. The bigger the family, the more complicated it gets. For example, you try to get everyone together on one day. That's a tall order in itself. Some people have work conflicts. Others may (GASP) be spending the holidays with their spouse's family. I have had friends who ate two or three Thanksgiving dinners in one day just to please all the family. Others negotiate how to divide their time among family (i.e., the "every other year" rule; alternating holidays; one side gets Christmas Eve and the other Christmas Day, etc.).

 

Some may not be able to afford to travel to visit family. They may not to get to go on the road trip, but they will certainly take a guilt trip for not being able to be there. Since I was four years old, we haven't lived in the same area as our family members. All I have known is either visiting or being visited by family during the holidays. I don't know what it would be like to have all your family living in the same general area and be able to get together without the worries of packing, putting the dog in the kennel, stopping the mail, etc. I wonder if people in that position take it for granted.

 

Another complication is that you want to have this picture-perfect, Hallmark-moment, Currier & Ives festive gathering where everyone laughs and smiles and gets along. The reality is not so picture perfect, and when it doesn't match our expectations we can become disappointed and disillusioned. If Uncle Joe is loud and has bad table manners as a rule, it's likely he will be that way at your beautifully decorated Thanksgiving table. Yelling at him and correcting him in front of everyone isn't going to change him ... it's just going to give everyone indigestion. And don't forget the children. We mix them in with a bunch of cousins in a sea of family cooped up inside a too warm house and we expect them to behave like little angels. I can't remember making it through a family holiday as a kid without one of us either getting a spanking for our over-activity or getting injured from playing with our cousins.

 

Proverbs 17:1

Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife.

 

I am not saying don't spend the holidays with your family. But if all you do when you are together is argue and hurt each other, maybe it's time to rethink the situation. I know that I have taken a few years off from spending Thanksgiving with family. I couldn't sit through one more political argument while I was trying to enjoy my turkey and cranberry sauce. And nothing goes with pie like your grandmother asking how much weight you had gained. Even when I tried to divide my time, I felt guilty about not getting to see everyone. So, for the last several years I have cooked my own Thanksgiving dinner and anyone who wanted to come was welcome. Sometimes family would come. Sometimes we would have neighbors and friends join us. Last year, it was just the three of us. There were lots of leftovers for turkey sandwiches, but I have to admit it was too quiet and I missed having at least a little company. Somewhere between the big overcrowded gathering and just our immediate family is the happy medium.

 

Genesis 13:7-11

And there was a strife between the herdmen of Abram's cattle and the herdmen of Lot 's cattle: and the Canaanite and the Perizzite dwelled then in the land. And Abram said unto Lot , Let there be no strife, I pray thee, between me and thee, and between my herdmen and thy herdmen; for we be brethren. Is not the whole land before thee? separate thyself, I pray thee, from me: if thou wilt take the left hand, then I will go to the right; or if thou depart to the right hand, then I will go to the left. And Lot lifted up his eyes, and beheld all the plain of Jordan, that it was well watered every where, before the LORD destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, even as the garden of the LORD, like the land of Egypt, as thou comest unto Zoar. Then Lot chose him all the plain of Jordan; and Lot journeyed east: and they separated themselves the one from the other.

 

Abram used wisdom to maintain his relationship with Lot . The fact that they went their separate ways to establish their households did not change the love they had for each other. In the following chapter, Abram takes his fighting men out to rescue Lot from the four kings who pillaged Sodom and Gomorrah . Everyone in your family may not always get along, but let something or someone come against one of them!

 

Jesus said, "Blessed are the peacemakers."   Who couldn't use a little more peace at the family holiday dinner? Before you head off to the big family dinner this year, ask yourself what you, as a Christian, can do to make the time with family better.

 

Do a little advance work. Pray for your family - pray for each person and his or her needs. If it is a person you don't have the best relationship with, pray for a mending of fences and for peace. Pray for yourself, too. Pray that you will have an enjoyable time together. Nothing is impossible with God!

 

Lower your expectations. I don't think that picture perfect, Hallmark-moment, Currier & Ives family gathering exists anywhere except in pictures, cards and movies. People are people. We have different personalities, even if we are related. We marry or date other people with different personalities and opinions and bring them into the mix. Accept your family for who they are and love them anyway. Isn't that what Christ did for us?

 

Agree to disagree. I really don't know why the one side of my family chose dinner time to discuss politics and other world issues. We didn't discuss them any other time we were together. I never put in my two cents, because it would have added fuel to the fire. Just because you are family doesn't mean you will agree on everything. You may have to agree up front that certain subjects are off limits during dinner or the entire visit. In Romans 12:18, Paul advises us: If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. As far as it depends on you . . . you have choices and you can set the tone.

 

Don't take the bait. An offense is a baited trap. Satan loves to use offenses to cause trouble. No one can hurt you the way family can. We always hurt the ones we love. Was I offended when my grandma said I was fat? You bet. It hurt my feelings. In hindsight, I see that it was the beginning of what is now her dementia. She lost control over good judgment in choosing her words and now has lost control of her memory. But I know that she loves me and I love her. Now what she says goes in one ear and out the other. If someone says something to hurt you, your first instinct is to say something hurtful back. Romans 12:17 says, "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone." What does it do for your Christian testimony before your unsaved family members if you are quarreling or having a temper tantrum?

 

Remember the reason for the season. Whether it is Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, or a special birthday celebration or anniversary, there is a reason you have gathered as a family. Try to keep that in the forefront of your thoughts and actions. Remember why it was important for you to see your family. Take the opportunity to love them and tell them how you feel about them. Encourage one another. You never know when it is the last time you'll spend a holiday with them. Many of you have experienced that kind of loss and know what I mean. These holiday memories that you are making are important and need to be cherished.

 

This blog article has been a little different. Let me say for the record that I don't have an Uncle Joe and all my uncles have excellent table manners. I guess because we are heading into the holiday season, my thoughts have been for my family. I really miss my parents and grandfathers and my cousin, but I have great memories to hold on to. Our family is so big and spread out, it is impossible to give everyone the time and attention that my heart wants to show. I can't be everywhere and I can't be with all of them, but God can. We can only do what we are able to do. I'm not sure where I will physically be for the holidays, but I know my heart will be with all my family. I will be happy about spending time with the ones I am with and I will be praying for blessings and a joyous time for those I can't be with. Nothing can separate me from the love of God (Romans 8:39 ) and nothing can separate me from the love for my family.

January 17, 2024
When you reach a certain age or stage in life, I think there is a natural tendency to look back on your life and reflect on how you got to where you are today. It makes you appreciate what you have. I had certainly found myself at that place in life, looking around and seeing how far we had come and how well we were doing. How good it was to feel secure and happy! It had not always been so easy. When we were first married, I was expecting to settle down in the place where I was born, among my own people, and raise a family, just as my mother had done. My husband had something completely different in mind. When he told me we were leaving our home to travel with his uncle to a new land, I was taken aback. Part of me was scared to leave the only place I had ever known, and the other part was caught up in excitement of it all. My husband believed that his uncle was hearing from the one true God, the Creator of the universe, and so he had also put his faith in this God. Because he believed, I believed. I can say that God did see us through on the journey, which was difficult at times. You try traveling with your family, a bunch of farm animals, and herdsmen. Even in the best of conditions, it was sweaty and smelly and exhausting. At one point, there was a famine in the land so bad that we had to travel to another area just to survive. Secretly, I questioned if we had made the wrong decision to leave home. There were many nights I cried myself to sleep. But, God brought us through it and we were able to return to the place God had called his uncle. All the while, God was blessing our family. My husband had acquired flocks and herdsman of his own. Pretty soon, there wasn’t enough room for all of us. Our herdsmen and his uncle’s herdsmen often quarreled. His uncle did not want these troubles to affect the family dynamic, so he suggested that we part ways and gave my husband first choice of which area to take. I was grateful to him for this kindness, and I must admit I was a little sad to leave what had become our family of wanderers. When I saw the beautiful, lush land where we were headed, I knew that the difficult journey had been worth it. We ended up living in the city of Sodom. We had settled in the community as strangers, but over time had built strong relationships with friends and associates. It wasn’t perfect, but what place is? What city doesn’t have crime or a seedier side? You learn what areas to stay out of and who to associate with if you want to stay out of trouble. We found our place there and raised our family. We had a nice home, and my husband was a leader in the community. Our daughters were to be married to fine young men and we had spent the better part of the year preparing them for their weddings. I also had gained the friendship and respect of other women, and we would often talk in the markets about our lives. I was so proud to talk about my husband and the upcoming weddings, and they were generous with their congratulations and well wishes. I couldn’t imagine our lives being any better. Our picture perfect life changed in less than 24 hours when two strangers arrived at the city gates. I guess it was no coincidence that my husband was sitting in the gateway of the city that evening. He invited them to spend the night in our home, which surprised me. I have say that there was something different about them. They weren’t the typical visitors who passed through our area who usually knew what to expect if they spent an evening in the town square, if you know what I mean. I knew our city had a reputation. I had always looked the other way, knowing things happened in the dark of night that were wrong in the eyes of God. I figured it was none of my business and it wasn’t my problem. I lived my life and they lived theirs. The events that happened that night happened so fast. It was surreal. I couldn’t believe it was happening. Our home was suddenly surrounded by men, young and old, who demanded we give our visitors over to them. My husband tried to reason with them. He even had the nerve to offer them our daughters, which really angered me at the time. I was ready to kill him myself. Quickly, the two visitors stepped in and rescued my husband from the crowd. Then the oddest thing happened. The men outside our home were suddenly struck blind and they went away, stumbling about. I was beginning to understand that these visitors of ours were more than they seemed. That’s when they told us they had come to destroy the city and we needed leave as soon as possible. My husband went to our daughter’s fiancés and begged them to come with us, telling them that God was going to destroy the city. They laughed, thinking he was joking. Who jokes about something like that? As the sun was getting ready to rise, the two men urged us to leave right away so that we would not be destroyed, too. It still had not registered with me that this was happening. Everything was quiet and still, so how could we be in imminent danger? How could we just leave? We needed to gather up food and clothing and things we would need to travel. We needed time to get ready. My husband and I just looked at each other, not knowing where to start. Suddenly, I felt a hand grab mine. One of the men had me by the hand and my husband by the other. The second man likewise had taken our daughters hands. They began rushing us out of the city, telling us to run and not look back or we would be swept away in the destruction. What destruction? I did not see or hear anything that made me think we were in danger. They wanted us to go to the mountains, but my husband begged to let us go to a smaller city far enough away from the danger. They agreed and said the destruction would begin as soon as we could get there. We ran for what seemed like forever. I didn’t know my old body could still do that. It still seemed like a bad dream, and that I would wake up soon and be back in my beautiful home. Then I heard the first rumble and felt the earth shake beneath my feet. The smell of smoke and something that smelled like rotten eggs filled my nostrils. I was getting tired from running. My husband and my girls where just ahead of me, entering the city of Zoar. I stopped to rest for a moment and I started to cry. How could we be here in the middle of nowhere, with nothing but the clothes on our back? Why did we have to leave our wonderful home where we had everything we needed? What about all the things we had collected for our daughters’ weddings? Why couldn’t we have saved some of those things. I wanted my life back. Without thinking, I turned around and looked at the city I had called home. Everyone and everything I knew was being pummeled in a rain of fire. As my family safely made it inside the little town of Zoar, I was still just on the outskirts. I stood there in the aftershocks of the fiery storm, grieving the life I had left behind. I realized my mistake too late as I felt the wave of heat and grit begin to take over my body. If only I had listened to the two men. If only I had trusted that God would take care of me in this situation, just as He had in the past. If only I had not looked back. Luke 17:32 - Remember Lot’s wife. If “Jesus wept” is the shortest verse in the Bible (John 11:35), then Luke 17:32 has to be the second shortest. More importantly, these words are in red, meaning Jesus spoke them. “Remember Lot’s wife, “ He cautions. “Lot’s wife” is all we know her by, and what we know about her is found in Genesis 19. Most people just remember that she turned into a pillar of salt. What we need to remember is why. The Hebrew word for “looked back” means more than just the physical act of glancing back over one’s shoulder. It means to regard, consider, or pay attention to something. She was not so much looking back with her eyes as she was with her heart. In that moment, as imagined in the passage above, she had more regard for what she was leaving behind than in the provision God had made ahead of her. She loved and appreciated the things of the world and her earthly treasures more than the divine deliverance that was provided to her. Even though she did not commit the same sins that had brought about this judgment, her heart was with the city and all things worldly, and so she suffered its same fate. In Luke 17, Jesus is cautioning the disciples, and us, to not make the same mistake. Luke 17:26-33 - 26 And as it was in the days of Noah, so it will be also in the days of the Son of Man: 27 They ate, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noah entered the ark, and the flood came and destroyed them all. 28 Likewise as it was also in the days of Lot: They ate, they drank, they bought, they sold, they planted, they built; 29 but on the day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained fire and brimstone from heaven and destroyed them all. 30 Even so will it be in the day when the Son of Man is revealed. 31 “In that day, he who is on the housetop, and his goods are in the house, let him not come down to take them away. And likewise the one who is in the field, let him not turn back. 32 Remember Lot’s wife. 33 Whoever seeks to save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it. A quote attributed to Alexander Graham Bell says, “When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” Such was the fate of Lot’s wife. Such could be our fate if we are not careful. We cannot harshly judge Lot’s wife, knowing how easily the same thing could happen to us. We can find ourselves living comfortably, confident in our position in life, and relying on our material possessions, if we are not careful to remember the true Provider. It isn’t a bad thing to have material possessions, but it is a wrong attitude if we value the things of the world more than we value the things of God.  When you hear someone say, “Jesus is coming soon”, do you laugh like Lot’s son-in-laws, or do you start looking up and watching for Him? Just like Lot tried to warn his son-in-laws, we need to let our family and friends know that He is coming. As Christians, we should be ready to drop everything when He comes for us, and not look back for anyone or anything. There is nothing we are leaving behind that is better or more important than being with Jesus. When that day comes, just like it came for Sodom, we have to be ready for our divine deliverance from this world. If we dare to look back, we could be left behind. Remember Lot’s wife, and don’t look back.
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By smnelson2103 June 1, 2022
We have a couple of young women in our church, Amber Cook and Desireah Oliveri, who have a very special and anointed gift. When either of them ministers, it takes our worship service to another level. Some call what they do mime, while others call it interpretative dance. I don t really care what label you want to put on it, it is beautiful and moving. I think one of the key elements is their song choices. They have done a few contemporary songs you might hear on Christian radio, but most of the time they choose songs many of us are not familiar with. They are soulful and deep, rich in praise for our Lord. The combination of the songs and their heartfelt motions and interpretations draw you into God s presence.Sometime around Easter, Amber ministered to a song some may have known, but I had never heard. The song was This Blood (written by Rita Springer). It has the sound and feel of an older hymn, but it is probably less than 15 years old. The words, the music, the message the song...
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In Part 1, we covered the story of the Tower of Babel in Genesis 11. To sum it up briefly, the people found a comfortable place and wanted to settle and put down roots, but God s plan was for them to scatter and fill the earth. The people came together and built a tower that reached high into the heavens. It was a monument to their ingenuity and skills. It glorified man, not God. God could have destroyed the tower and even the people, but instead found a better way to move them along to fulfill His purpose. He said, Come let Us go down and there confuse their language , which meant the Father, Son and Holy Spirit worked together to confuse their language, which naturally separated them into groups that then spread out all over the world. The word babel means a confused mixture of sounds or voices. So you would hear a mix of languages and may not understand them, but someone could. This is opposed to babble, with two b s, which is foolish or meaningless chatter.
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