A Better Place

susannelson • March 18, 2011

When you get that phone call in the middle of the day in the middle of the week from a relative you don’t typically hear from at that hour, you know that it’s bad news. I received that call last week from my aunt. She was calling to let me know that my grandmother, who has been in the nursing home for most of the last year, had passed away at the age of 93.

If you would have asked me a few years ago, I would have said I believed she would live to be a hundred – and she was close. In fact, I often said she would probably outlive all of us. For the most part, she was very healthy. But then the dementia began to set in and advance quickly. We were used to her telling us the same old stories each time we visited, but I actually enjoyed them. They were stories about her growing up with 9 siblings, about dating and marrying my grandfather, and about my mom and aunts when they were little. Then we began to notice that the details of some stories were getting mixed up with ones from other stories. Trying to correct her only made things worse, as she became agitated and confused. Finally, she had a shortened version of her stories that she told you. If you left the room and came back, you heard them again. And again. And again. It was painful to witness and difficult to live with. I don’t know how my aunts did it, but when it is your mother, you do all that you know to do.

The weekend before she passed, my daughter and I traveled to Kentucky to visit her. It was the first time I had seen her since she had moved to a nursing home. She had been ill and in the hospital for several weeks, but had been back in the home for about a month. She was sleeping soundly and we couldn’t wake her up no matter how hard we tried. So I prayed with her and we gave her hugs and kisses. I am so grateful we had that time to tell her we loved her and to say goodbye. We had no idea that just a few days later she would be gone.

The funeral arrangements were made by my aunt and uncle, working with a funeral home that has served our family over the years. The funeral director found a minister to preside over the service since neither they nor my grandmother had a home church. Even though she didn’t have a church, my grandmother was a Christian. She prayed every day for her family, which I am thankful for considering some of the stupid things I’ve done over the years. When I was talking with one of her old friends at the service, one of the things he remembered most was about her going to church and how faithful she was. I don’t know why she ever stopped going to church, but I am glad she never stopped serving God. His comment really touched my heart. I thought, what a great way to be remembered – as someone who loved God and was faithful in serving Him.

I am not sure if I ever got the name of the minister, or if in the blur of the moment I forgot it. Funerals tend to be a little surreal for me – trying to hold it all together and make sure you honor the person and the moment. He started out reading from her obituary and then gave some of the expected scriptures, like the 23rd Psalm. (I still don’t understand the use of it at funerals, but maybe I’ll get into that in another article!) I was afraid that we were in for a “cookie cutter” funeral service, and I really wanted and I knew that my grandmother would really want a word from God for her family.

John 14:2-3
My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.

When the minister quoted these words from John 14, he began to talk about the loss of his mother, who was about my granny’s age. He talked about the comfort of those words. Then he started giving the meaning behind this scripture, which lies in the wedding customs of the Jews in that day. This was something that I had also studied and had taught in our adult Sunday school class. I began to smile and cry at the same time, which is sort of like when it rains and the sun is shining. I knew what he was going to say and I knew it was the Word I was hoping for. I wanted to run up and hug him.

In a nutshell, these are the wedding customs. The groom’s father would select a bride for his son. He would negotiate the wedding contract with the bride’s father and would pay a bridal price (or gift) to her family. Then the couple would have a ceremony in which they became betrothed or engaged. They would exchange vows and gifts, and were basically considered married. However, the marriage was not consummated. In fact, they would live apart for the next year. During that year they bride and groom would prepare for their marriage. She would sew the wedding garments. He would return to his father’s house and begin building on rooms to prepare a home for his new bride. According to the Rabbis, the place he took her to must be better than the place she was coming from.

Matthew 24:36
“But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.”

Though the bride and groom knew that in approximately a year they would be married, neither knew the exact date. The only one who knew was the father of the groom. That meant that the bride had to always be ready. She had to keep on living her day to day life, knowing that at any moment she could have to be ready to go with her husband. Once the father told his son it was time, he would leave to go to his bride’s home. One of the groomsmen would go in advance announcing that the bridegroom was coming. Then the shofar (like a trumpet) would be blown and the entire wedding party would go through the streets to the bride’s house. This was often at night, so they carried torches. The wedding ceremony was then performed and the wedding supper was held. This celebration would last seven days. Then the bride would return home with her groom.

With the year 2012 approaching, a lot of doomsday talk has been bantered around. That’s the last year of the Mayan calendar and some see that as a sign. It was just 11 years ago that the world was going to come to an end because of Y2K, remember? The truth is that no one but God knows when this world will come to an end. In Matthew 24, Jesus tells us the signs to watch for, but even those are just signs of the beginning of the end. And Jesus tells us that even He doesn’t know when that day will be. Jesus is the bridegroom and we, the church, are His bride. He has gone to prepare a place for us in His Father’s house, and it will be a better place than where we are now. Since we don’t know the exact date that He is coming back for us, we have to be ready at all times. That means that we have to have our hearts and our lives right with Him every day. One day, the Father will tell the Son that it is time to collect His Bride. Will you be ready? Are you like the five wise virgins (Matthew 25) who have their lamps filled with oil and are carrying extra along with them? Or are you one of the foolish who didn’t have oil for their lamps and while they went to buy some, the bridegroom came and they missed Him?

I believe that the message of salvation is what my grandmother would have most wanted said at her funeral, so when it was my turn to speak, I shared this with our family and friends. She wanted all her family to be saved. She is the fourth person we’ve buried at our family plot. One by one we are getting older and we will all eventually face death. But we can all be reunited in eternity if we make the right choice and choose Jesus Christ as our Savior. Being a “good person” is not going to save you. I realize that some in my family still don’t get this – but I am going to keep on saying it. You have to choose Christ and repent of your sins. Jesus said in John 14 that “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

Dedicated in memory of Kansas Irene Smith.
 

January 17, 2024
When you reach a certain age or stage in life, I think there is a natural tendency to look back on your life and reflect on how you got to where you are today. It makes you appreciate what you have. I had certainly found myself at that place in life, looking around and seeing how far we had come and how well we were doing. How good it was to feel secure and happy! It had not always been so easy. When we were first married, I was expecting to settle down in the place where I was born, among my own people, and raise a family, just as my mother had done. My husband had something completely different in mind. When he told me we were leaving our home to travel with his uncle to a new land, I was taken aback. Part of me was scared to leave the only place I had ever known, and the other part was caught up in excitement of it all. My husband believed that his uncle was hearing from the one true God, the Creator of the universe, and so he had also put his faith in this God. Because he believed, I believed. I can say that God did see us through on the journey, which was difficult at times. You try traveling with your family, a bunch of farm animals, and herdsmen. Even in the best of conditions, it was sweaty and smelly and exhausting. At one point, there was a famine in the land so bad that we had to travel to another area just to survive. Secretly, I questioned if we had made the wrong decision to leave home. There were many nights I cried myself to sleep. But, God brought us through it and we were able to return to the place God had called his uncle. All the while, God was blessing our family. My husband had acquired flocks and herdsman of his own. Pretty soon, there wasn’t enough room for all of us. Our herdsmen and his uncle’s herdsmen often quarreled. His uncle did not want these troubles to affect the family dynamic, so he suggested that we part ways and gave my husband first choice of which area to take. I was grateful to him for this kindness, and I must admit I was a little sad to leave what had become our family of wanderers. When I saw the beautiful, lush land where we were headed, I knew that the difficult journey had been worth it. We ended up living in the city of Sodom. We had settled in the community as strangers, but over time had built strong relationships with friends and associates. It wasn’t perfect, but what place is? What city doesn’t have crime or a seedier side? You learn what areas to stay out of and who to associate with if you want to stay out of trouble. We found our place there and raised our family. We had a nice home, and my husband was a leader in the community. Our daughters were to be married to fine young men and we had spent the better part of the year preparing them for their weddings. I also had gained the friendship and respect of other women, and we would often talk in the markets about our lives. I was so proud to talk about my husband and the upcoming weddings, and they were generous with their congratulations and well wishes. I couldn’t imagine our lives being any better. Our picture perfect life changed in less than 24 hours when two strangers arrived at the city gates. I guess it was no coincidence that my husband was sitting in the gateway of the city that evening. He invited them to spend the night in our home, which surprised me. I have say that there was something different about them. They weren’t the typical visitors who passed through our area who usually knew what to expect if they spent an evening in the town square, if you know what I mean. I knew our city had a reputation. I had always looked the other way, knowing things happened in the dark of night that were wrong in the eyes of God. I figured it was none of my business and it wasn’t my problem. I lived my life and they lived theirs. The events that happened that night happened so fast. It was surreal. I couldn’t believe it was happening. Our home was suddenly surrounded by men, young and old, who demanded we give our visitors over to them. My husband tried to reason with them. He even had the nerve to offer them our daughters, which really angered me at the time. I was ready to kill him myself. Quickly, the two visitors stepped in and rescued my husband from the crowd. Then the oddest thing happened. The men outside our home were suddenly struck blind and they went away, stumbling about. I was beginning to understand that these visitors of ours were more than they seemed. That’s when they told us they had come to destroy the city and we needed leave as soon as possible. My husband went to our daughter’s fiancés and begged them to come with us, telling them that God was going to destroy the city. They laughed, thinking he was joking. Who jokes about something like that? As the sun was getting ready to rise, the two men urged us to leave right away so that we would not be destroyed, too. It still had not registered with me that this was happening. Everything was quiet and still, so how could we be in imminent danger? How could we just leave? We needed to gather up food and clothing and things we would need to travel. We needed time to get ready. My husband and I just looked at each other, not knowing where to start. Suddenly, I felt a hand grab mine. One of the men had me by the hand and my husband by the other. The second man likewise had taken our daughters hands. They began rushing us out of the city, telling us to run and not look back or we would be swept away in the destruction. What destruction? I did not see or hear anything that made me think we were in danger. They wanted us to go to the mountains, but my husband begged to let us go to a smaller city far enough away from the danger. They agreed and said the destruction would begin as soon as we could get there. We ran for what seemed like forever. I didn’t know my old body could still do that. It still seemed like a bad dream, and that I would wake up soon and be back in my beautiful home. Then I heard the first rumble and felt the earth shake beneath my feet. The smell of smoke and something that smelled like rotten eggs filled my nostrils. I was getting tired from running. My husband and my girls where just ahead of me, entering the city of Zoar. I stopped to rest for a moment and I started to cry. How could we be here in the middle of nowhere, with nothing but the clothes on our back? Why did we have to leave our wonderful home where we had everything we needed? What about all the things we had collected for our daughters’ weddings? Why couldn’t we have saved some of those things. I wanted my life back. Without thinking, I turned around and looked at the city I had called home. Everyone and everything I knew was being pummeled in a rain of fire. As my family safely made it inside the little town of Zoar, I was still just on the outskirts. I stood there in the aftershocks of the fiery storm, grieving the life I had left behind. I realized my mistake too late as I felt the wave of heat and grit begin to take over my body. If only I had listened to the two men. If only I had trusted that God would take care of me in this situation, just as He had in the past. If only I had not looked back. Luke 17:32 - Remember Lot’s wife. If “Jesus wept” is the shortest verse in the Bible (John 11:35), then Luke 17:32 has to be the second shortest. More importantly, these words are in red, meaning Jesus spoke them. “Remember Lot’s wife, “ He cautions. “Lot’s wife” is all we know her by, and what we know about her is found in Genesis 19. Most people just remember that she turned into a pillar of salt. What we need to remember is why. The Hebrew word for “looked back” means more than just the physical act of glancing back over one’s shoulder. It means to regard, consider, or pay attention to something. She was not so much looking back with her eyes as she was with her heart. In that moment, as imagined in the passage above, she had more regard for what she was leaving behind than in the provision God had made ahead of her. She loved and appreciated the things of the world and her earthly treasures more than the divine deliverance that was provided to her. Even though she did not commit the same sins that had brought about this judgment, her heart was with the city and all things worldly, and so she suffered its same fate. In Luke 17, Jesus is cautioning the disciples, and us, to not make the same mistake. Luke 17:26-33 - 26 And as it was in the days of Noah, so it will be also in the days of the Son of Man: 27 They ate, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noah entered the ark, and the flood came and destroyed them all. 28 Likewise as it was also in the days of Lot: They ate, they drank, they bought, they sold, they planted, they built; 29 but on the day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained fire and brimstone from heaven and destroyed them all. 30 Even so will it be in the day when the Son of Man is revealed. 31 “In that day, he who is on the housetop, and his goods are in the house, let him not come down to take them away. And likewise the one who is in the field, let him not turn back. 32 Remember Lot’s wife. 33 Whoever seeks to save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it. A quote attributed to Alexander Graham Bell says, “When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” Such was the fate of Lot’s wife. Such could be our fate if we are not careful. We cannot harshly judge Lot’s wife, knowing how easily the same thing could happen to us. We can find ourselves living comfortably, confident in our position in life, and relying on our material possessions, if we are not careful to remember the true Provider. It isn’t a bad thing to have material possessions, but it is a wrong attitude if we value the things of the world more than we value the things of God.  When you hear someone say, “Jesus is coming soon”, do you laugh like Lot’s son-in-laws, or do you start looking up and watching for Him? Just like Lot tried to warn his son-in-laws, we need to let our family and friends know that He is coming. As Christians, we should be ready to drop everything when He comes for us, and not look back for anyone or anything. There is nothing we are leaving behind that is better or more important than being with Jesus. When that day comes, just like it came for Sodom, we have to be ready for our divine deliverance from this world. If we dare to look back, we could be left behind. Remember Lot’s wife, and don’t look back.
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