When you get that phone call in the middle of the day in the middle of the week from a relative you don’t typically hear from at that hour, you know that it’s bad news. I received that call last week from my aunt. She was calling to let me know that my grandmother, who has been in the nursing home for most of the last year, had passed away at the age of 93.
If you would have asked me a few years ago, I would have said I believed she would live to be a hundred – and she was close. In fact, I often said she would probably outlive all of us. For the most part, she was very healthy. But then the dementia began to set in and advance quickly. We were used to her telling us the same old stories each time we visited, but I actually enjoyed them. They were stories about her growing up with 9 siblings, about dating and marrying my grandfather, and about my mom and aunts when they were little. Then we began to notice that the details of some stories were getting mixed up with ones from other stories. Trying to correct her only made things worse, as she became agitated and confused. Finally, she had a shortened version of her stories that she told you. If you left the room and came back, you heard them again. And again. And again. It was painful to witness and difficult to live with. I don’t know how my aunts did it, but when it is your mother, you do all that you know to do.
The weekend before she passed, my daughter and I traveled to Kentucky to visit her. It was the first time I had seen her since she had moved to a nursing home. She had been ill and in the hospital for several weeks, but had been back in the home for about a month. She was sleeping soundly and we couldn’t wake her up no matter how hard we tried. So I prayed with her and we gave her hugs and kisses. I am so grateful we had that time to tell her we loved her and to say goodbye. We had no idea that just a few days later she would be gone.
The funeral arrangements were made by my aunt and uncle, working with a funeral home that has served our family over the years. The funeral director found a minister to preside over the service since neither they nor my grandmother had a home church. Even though she didn’t have a church, my grandmother was a Christian. She prayed every day for her family, which I am thankful for considering some of the stupid things I’ve done over the years. When I was talking with one of her old friends at the service, one of the things he remembered most was about her going to church and how faithful she was. I don’t know why she ever stopped going to church, but I am glad she never stopped serving God. His comment really touched my heart. I thought, what a great way to be remembered – as someone who loved God and was faithful in serving Him.
I am not sure if I ever got the name of the minister, or if in the blur of the moment I forgot it. Funerals tend to be a little surreal for me – trying to hold it all together and make sure you honor the person and the moment. He started out reading from her obituary and then gave some of the expected scriptures, like the 23rd Psalm. (I still don’t understand the use of it at funerals, but maybe I’ll get into that in another article!) I was afraid that we were in for a “cookie cutter” funeral service, and I really wanted and I knew that my grandmother would really want a word from God for her family.
John 14:2-3
My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.
When the minister quoted these words from John 14, he began to talk about the loss of his mother, who was about my granny’s age. He talked about the comfort of those words. Then he started giving the meaning behind this scripture, which lies in the wedding customs of the Jews in that day. This was something that I had also studied and had taught in our adult Sunday school class. I began to smile and cry at the same time, which is sort of like when it rains and the sun is shining. I knew what he was going to say and I knew it was the Word I was hoping for. I wanted to run up and hug him.
In a nutshell, these are the wedding customs. The groom’s father would select a bride for his son. He would negotiate the wedding contract with the bride’s father and would pay a bridal price (or gift) to her family. Then the couple would have a ceremony in which they became betrothed or engaged. They would exchange vows and gifts, and were basically considered married. However, the marriage was not consummated. In fact, they would live apart for the next year. During that year they bride and groom would prepare for their marriage. She would sew the wedding garments. He would return to his father’s house and begin building on rooms to prepare a home for his new bride. According to the Rabbis, the place he took her to must be better than the place she was coming from.
Matthew 24:36
“But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.”
Though the bride and groom knew that in approximately a year they would be married, neither knew the exact date. The only one who knew was the father of the groom. That meant that the bride had to always be ready. She had to keep on living her day to day life, knowing that at any moment she could have to be ready to go with her husband. Once the father told his son it was time, he would leave to go to his bride’s home. One of the groomsmen would go in advance announcing that the bridegroom was coming. Then the shofar (like a trumpet) would be blown and the entire wedding party would go through the streets to the bride’s house. This was often at night, so they carried torches. The wedding ceremony was then performed and the wedding supper was held. This celebration would last seven days. Then the bride would return home with her groom.
With the year 2012 approaching, a lot of doomsday talk has been bantered around. That’s the last year of the Mayan calendar and some see that as a sign. It was just 11 years ago that the world was going to come to an end because of Y2K, remember? The truth is that no one but God knows when this world will come to an end. In Matthew 24, Jesus tells us the signs to watch for, but even those are just signs of the beginning of the end. And Jesus tells us that even He doesn’t know when that day will be. Jesus is the bridegroom and we, the church, are His bride. He has gone to prepare a place for us in His Father’s house, and it will be a better place than where we are now. Since we don’t know the exact date that He is coming back for us, we have to be ready at all times. That means that we have to have our hearts and our lives right with Him every day. One day, the Father will tell the Son that it is time to collect His Bride. Will you be ready? Are you like the five wise virgins (Matthew 25) who have their lamps filled with oil and are carrying extra along with them? Or are you one of the foolish who didn’t have oil for their lamps and while they went to buy some, the bridegroom came and they missed Him?
I believe that the message of salvation is what my grandmother would have most wanted said at her funeral, so when it was my turn to speak, I shared this with our family and friends. She wanted all her family to be saved. She is the fourth person we’ve buried at our family plot. One by one we are getting older and we will all eventually face death. But we can all be reunited in eternity if we make the right choice and choose Jesus Christ as our Savior. Being a “good person” is not going to save you. I realize that some in my family still don’t get this – but I am going to keep on saying it. You have to choose Christ and repent of your sins. Jesus said in John 14 that “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”
Dedicated in memory of Kansas Irene Smith.