A Great Pity Party

susannelson • May 27, 2011

Life is full of ups and downs. Highs and lows. Mountaintops and valleys. It can often feel like you are on a roller coaster that never goes back to the gate. Just when you think the ride is over, it takes off again. We try to maintain our composure through these changes, presenting a strong front for others. A polite “how are you?” is often met with an equally polite “fine, thank you”. Sometimes it’s the truth – we are fine. But sometimes we aren’t.

Psalm 118:24
This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.

Often we push through the pain and heartache of the day. We appreciate the blessings that each day brings and so we put our best foot forward and smile, even though we may be hurting inside. If we are lucky, we have a good friend or family member whom we can confide in and who can give us some comfort and encouragement. Even better, we have a God who knows our situation and knows our heart. He is our comforter and our shelter.

Some days, though, you feel very isolated and alone. You feel like just giving up and walking away from everything. This year has been an especially tough one for me on nearly every front, from personal to professional to spiritual. I have had to struggle with difficult situations and decisions. I have had to have difficult conversations with people that I knew could have painful outcomes. I have been hurt and betrayed by people I never thought would do so. I have felt overwhelmed, unwanted, undermined and underappreciated.

So, not long ago I had myself a little pity party, and it was GREAT! You may think that sounds awful, but I am glad I did it. Here’s how to throw yourself a great pity party. First, you have to be alone. Wait until everyone leaves the house or find an excuse to get rid of them. Put on something comfy and if you are a woman, remove all make up. (This is a practical tip, since crying will only mess it up anyway.) Then start thinking about how hard everything has been and about all the awful things that people have done to you. Complain about how unfair life has been. Oh, and eat some chocolate or another favorite food. Eat as much as you want – do not count calories at a time like this. Scream, cry and beat a few pillows if you feel like it. (I am more of a crier.) Contemplate why you were ever born if you were going to have to endure this kind of pain and hardship. Think about what it would be like to run away from home. That would show them! Then cry some more . . . let it all out.

A constructive pity party has to have a proper ending. (Otherwise, you may have to seek professional help.) When my little pity party was ending, I started to think what life would be like if I weren’t in it. While there were people I had difficulties with, they were a small minority compared to how many people there are in my life that I love and that I know love me. I realized that my blessings outweighed my challenges tremendously. When I started getting away from focusing on myself, I began to talk to God. I poured out my heart to Him, asking for His strength, comfort and wisdom. Those situations and relationships that were plaguing me needed to be put in His hands. I needed to forgive and move forward. I needed to look at my own actions and take responsibility for them.

As parents, we see our children throw temper tantrums when they don’t get what they want. They scream and stomp and throw themselves down on the ground. The proper way to handle a tantrum is to walk away and not give the child an audience. I use to tell my daughter she could cry and throw a fit all she wanted, as long as she did it in her room. Once they get it all out and realize that no one is watching, they come to themselves. Before you know it, your child is crawling up in your lap with tears in her eyes, saying she is sorry. That’s when you can tend to her real needs and give her the comfort and guidance she needs to move on. Looking back, I see how silly my pity party seemed. But God let me have my little pity party, and when I was done, I was able to come to Him and say I was sorry. I was able to turn to Him for comfort. If I had done that in the first place instead of letting everything build up, I wouldn’t have needed the pity party.

When I was mulling over this idea as a topic for this article, the Lord showed me someone in the Bible who had himself a pity party. When we think about the prophet Elijah, we think about his great miracles, like holding back the rain or raising a boy from the dead. In I Kings 18, we read the story about how he confronted the prophets of Baal on Mount Carmel. He showed the people of Israel and the followers of Baal that the Lord is the only true God when the fire fell and consumed the altar and sacrifice. After this happened, all the prophets of Baal were seized and killed. It was a great and victorious day for Elijah, who was so faithfully serving God and revealing the sin and idolatry of King Ahab and his wife, Jezebel.

As soon as Jezebel heard what had happened to her Baal prophets, she was furious. Maybe Elijah had hoped that this awesome display of God’s power would turn Ahab and Jezebel around. But we learn by reading 1 Kings 19 that it only infuriated her more toward Elijah, whom she already hated. She sent a messenger to tell Elijah that she was going to kill him like he had killed her prophets of Baal. You would think that Elijah, who had just seen God’s power in a dramatic and miraculous fashion, would have laughed at her threat. Instead, he turned tail and ran away, afraid for his life. How quickly he lost his victory!

I Kings 19:4
But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he prayed that he might die, and said, “It is enough! Now, LORD, take my life, for I am no better than my fathers!”

Elijah had had enough. He wanted to just give up and die. Jezebel was bad news. She was a mean, wicked, evil person. As long as she wanted him dead, he would never be safe. He would always have to be looking over his shoulder. He would have to live alone in the wilderness. He thought, what is the point of going on? He wanted the Lord to just take him and put him out of his misery.

1 Kings 19:5-7
Then as he lay and slept under a broom tree, suddenly an angel touched him, and said to him, “Arise and eat.” Then he looked, and there by his head was a cake baked on coals, and a jar of water. So he ate and drank, and lay down again. And the angel of the LORD came back the second time, and touched him, and said, “Arise and eat, because the journey is too great for you.”

After Elijah had his pity party, he was able to sleep and to eat. He wanted to die and give up, but what he really needed was to rest. The Lord allowed him to sleep and provided him with food. Like Elijah, we often let ourselves get run down and wrung out. We push ourselves trying to live up to man’s expectations. We don’t allow ourselves time to hurt and mourn and deal with our emotions. We push the feelings down and we push our bodies onward, trying to be all things to everyone and always saying we are just fine, thank you.

I Kings 19:15-16
Then the LORD said to him: “Go, return on your way to the Wilderness of Damascus; and when you arrive, anoint Hazael as king over Syria. Also you shall anoint Jehu the son of Nimshi as king over Israel. And Elisha the son of Shaphat of Abel Meholah you shall anoint as prophet in your place.

After Elijah has his food and rest, he travels to Mt. Horeb and seeks refuge in a cave. God speaks to him in a still small voice and asks him what he is doing. It says that Elijah pulls his mantle over his face as he explains to God how everyone except him has turned away from the Lord and that everyone wants to kill him. In my mind, I picture that as a childlike gesture – as if Elijah knew he had been shamelessly pouting. Then God gives him instructions on what he is to do. He is, after all, God’s prophet. He still has a work to do. And in verse 18, God assures Elijah that there are still those who are true to the Lord and that he is not alone.

Some days we do feel like Elijah. We feel beat up and deserted. In those dark moments, we need to listen for the still small voice. God is there for us, to bring us peace and comfort and to remind us that we are not alone. But He isn’t just going to just baby us and say, “There, there, it will be okay.” He is also going to remind us that we still have a work to do for Him. We may feel like we want to crawl in a cave and die, but we have to go and return to the life He has given us. We have to put our trust in the Lord each and every day. We’ll still have those good days and bad days. But if we remember that God will never leave nor forsake us, we can get through anything.

I don’t know what I would do without Him in my life – a constant companion, comforter, confidant and conqueror. How can I wallow in self pity knowing that I belong to the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords? Now that’s something to celebrate!
 

January 17, 2024
When you reach a certain age or stage in life, I think there is a natural tendency to look back on your life and reflect on how you got to where you are today. It makes you appreciate what you have. I had certainly found myself at that place in life, looking around and seeing how far we had come and how well we were doing. How good it was to feel secure and happy! It had not always been so easy. When we were first married, I was expecting to settle down in the place where I was born, among my own people, and raise a family, just as my mother had done. My husband had something completely different in mind. When he told me we were leaving our home to travel with his uncle to a new land, I was taken aback. Part of me was scared to leave the only place I had ever known, and the other part was caught up in excitement of it all. My husband believed that his uncle was hearing from the one true God, the Creator of the universe, and so he had also put his faith in this God. Because he believed, I believed. I can say that God did see us through on the journey, which was difficult at times. You try traveling with your family, a bunch of farm animals, and herdsmen. Even in the best of conditions, it was sweaty and smelly and exhausting. At one point, there was a famine in the land so bad that we had to travel to another area just to survive. Secretly, I questioned if we had made the wrong decision to leave home. There were many nights I cried myself to sleep. But, God brought us through it and we were able to return to the place God had called his uncle. All the while, God was blessing our family. My husband had acquired flocks and herdsman of his own. Pretty soon, there wasn’t enough room for all of us. Our herdsmen and his uncle’s herdsmen often quarreled. His uncle did not want these troubles to affect the family dynamic, so he suggested that we part ways and gave my husband first choice of which area to take. I was grateful to him for this kindness, and I must admit I was a little sad to leave what had become our family of wanderers. When I saw the beautiful, lush land where we were headed, I knew that the difficult journey had been worth it. We ended up living in the city of Sodom. We had settled in the community as strangers, but over time had built strong relationships with friends and associates. It wasn’t perfect, but what place is? What city doesn’t have crime or a seedier side? You learn what areas to stay out of and who to associate with if you want to stay out of trouble. We found our place there and raised our family. We had a nice home, and my husband was a leader in the community. Our daughters were to be married to fine young men and we had spent the better part of the year preparing them for their weddings. I also had gained the friendship and respect of other women, and we would often talk in the markets about our lives. I was so proud to talk about my husband and the upcoming weddings, and they were generous with their congratulations and well wishes. I couldn’t imagine our lives being any better. Our picture perfect life changed in less than 24 hours when two strangers arrived at the city gates. I guess it was no coincidence that my husband was sitting in the gateway of the city that evening. He invited them to spend the night in our home, which surprised me. I have say that there was something different about them. They weren’t the typical visitors who passed through our area who usually knew what to expect if they spent an evening in the town square, if you know what I mean. I knew our city had a reputation. I had always looked the other way, knowing things happened in the dark of night that were wrong in the eyes of God. I figured it was none of my business and it wasn’t my problem. I lived my life and they lived theirs. The events that happened that night happened so fast. It was surreal. I couldn’t believe it was happening. Our home was suddenly surrounded by men, young and old, who demanded we give our visitors over to them. My husband tried to reason with them. He even had the nerve to offer them our daughters, which really angered me at the time. I was ready to kill him myself. Quickly, the two visitors stepped in and rescued my husband from the crowd. Then the oddest thing happened. The men outside our home were suddenly struck blind and they went away, stumbling about. I was beginning to understand that these visitors of ours were more than they seemed. That’s when they told us they had come to destroy the city and we needed leave as soon as possible. My husband went to our daughter’s fiancés and begged them to come with us, telling them that God was going to destroy the city. They laughed, thinking he was joking. Who jokes about something like that? As the sun was getting ready to rise, the two men urged us to leave right away so that we would not be destroyed, too. It still had not registered with me that this was happening. Everything was quiet and still, so how could we be in imminent danger? How could we just leave? We needed to gather up food and clothing and things we would need to travel. We needed time to get ready. My husband and I just looked at each other, not knowing where to start. Suddenly, I felt a hand grab mine. One of the men had me by the hand and my husband by the other. The second man likewise had taken our daughters hands. They began rushing us out of the city, telling us to run and not look back or we would be swept away in the destruction. What destruction? I did not see or hear anything that made me think we were in danger. They wanted us to go to the mountains, but my husband begged to let us go to a smaller city far enough away from the danger. They agreed and said the destruction would begin as soon as we could get there. We ran for what seemed like forever. I didn’t know my old body could still do that. It still seemed like a bad dream, and that I would wake up soon and be back in my beautiful home. Then I heard the first rumble and felt the earth shake beneath my feet. The smell of smoke and something that smelled like rotten eggs filled my nostrils. I was getting tired from running. My husband and my girls where just ahead of me, entering the city of Zoar. I stopped to rest for a moment and I started to cry. How could we be here in the middle of nowhere, with nothing but the clothes on our back? Why did we have to leave our wonderful home where we had everything we needed? What about all the things we had collected for our daughters’ weddings? Why couldn’t we have saved some of those things. I wanted my life back. Without thinking, I turned around and looked at the city I had called home. Everyone and everything I knew was being pummeled in a rain of fire. As my family safely made it inside the little town of Zoar, I was still just on the outskirts. I stood there in the aftershocks of the fiery storm, grieving the life I had left behind. I realized my mistake too late as I felt the wave of heat and grit begin to take over my body. If only I had listened to the two men. If only I had trusted that God would take care of me in this situation, just as He had in the past. If only I had not looked back. Luke 17:32 - Remember Lot’s wife. If “Jesus wept” is the shortest verse in the Bible (John 11:35), then Luke 17:32 has to be the second shortest. More importantly, these words are in red, meaning Jesus spoke them. “Remember Lot’s wife, “ He cautions. “Lot’s wife” is all we know her by, and what we know about her is found in Genesis 19. Most people just remember that she turned into a pillar of salt. What we need to remember is why. The Hebrew word for “looked back” means more than just the physical act of glancing back over one’s shoulder. It means to regard, consider, or pay attention to something. She was not so much looking back with her eyes as she was with her heart. In that moment, as imagined in the passage above, she had more regard for what she was leaving behind than in the provision God had made ahead of her. She loved and appreciated the things of the world and her earthly treasures more than the divine deliverance that was provided to her. Even though she did not commit the same sins that had brought about this judgment, her heart was with the city and all things worldly, and so she suffered its same fate. In Luke 17, Jesus is cautioning the disciples, and us, to not make the same mistake. Luke 17:26-33 - 26 And as it was in the days of Noah, so it will be also in the days of the Son of Man: 27 They ate, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noah entered the ark, and the flood came and destroyed them all. 28 Likewise as it was also in the days of Lot: They ate, they drank, they bought, they sold, they planted, they built; 29 but on the day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained fire and brimstone from heaven and destroyed them all. 30 Even so will it be in the day when the Son of Man is revealed. 31 “In that day, he who is on the housetop, and his goods are in the house, let him not come down to take them away. And likewise the one who is in the field, let him not turn back. 32 Remember Lot’s wife. 33 Whoever seeks to save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it. A quote attributed to Alexander Graham Bell says, “When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” Such was the fate of Lot’s wife. Such could be our fate if we are not careful. We cannot harshly judge Lot’s wife, knowing how easily the same thing could happen to us. We can find ourselves living comfortably, confident in our position in life, and relying on our material possessions, if we are not careful to remember the true Provider. It isn’t a bad thing to have material possessions, but it is a wrong attitude if we value the things of the world more than we value the things of God.  When you hear someone say, “Jesus is coming soon”, do you laugh like Lot’s son-in-laws, or do you start looking up and watching for Him? Just like Lot tried to warn his son-in-laws, we need to let our family and friends know that He is coming. As Christians, we should be ready to drop everything when He comes for us, and not look back for anyone or anything. There is nothing we are leaving behind that is better or more important than being with Jesus. When that day comes, just like it came for Sodom, we have to be ready for our divine deliverance from this world. If we dare to look back, we could be left behind. Remember Lot’s wife, and don’t look back.
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