Life is full of ups and downs. Highs and lows. Mountaintops and valleys. It can often feel like you are on a roller coaster that never goes back to the gate. Just when you think the ride is over, it takes off again. We try to maintain our composure through these changes, presenting a strong front for others. A polite “how are you?” is often met with an equally polite “fine, thank you”. Sometimes it’s the truth – we are fine. But sometimes we aren’t.
Psalm 118:24
This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.
Often we push through the pain and heartache of the day. We appreciate the blessings that each day brings and so we put our best foot forward and smile, even though we may be hurting inside. If we are lucky, we have a good friend or family member whom we can confide in and who can give us some comfort and encouragement. Even better, we have a God who knows our situation and knows our heart. He is our comforter and our shelter.
Some days, though, you feel very isolated and alone. You feel like just giving up and walking away from everything. This year has been an especially tough one for me on nearly every front, from personal to professional to spiritual. I have had to struggle with difficult situations and decisions. I have had to have difficult conversations with people that I knew could have painful outcomes. I have been hurt and betrayed by people I never thought would do so. I have felt overwhelmed, unwanted, undermined and underappreciated.
So, not long ago I had myself a little pity party, and it was GREAT! You may think that sounds awful, but I am glad I did it. Here’s how to throw yourself a great pity party. First, you have to be alone. Wait until everyone leaves the house or find an excuse to get rid of them. Put on something comfy and if you are a woman, remove all make up. (This is a practical tip, since crying will only mess it up anyway.) Then start thinking about how hard everything has been and about all the awful things that people have done to you. Complain about how unfair life has been. Oh, and eat some chocolate or another favorite food. Eat as much as you want – do not count calories at a time like this. Scream, cry and beat a few pillows if you feel like it. (I am more of a crier.) Contemplate why you were ever born if you were going to have to endure this kind of pain and hardship. Think about what it would be like to run away from home. That would show them! Then cry some more . . . let it all out.
A constructive pity party has to have a proper ending. (Otherwise, you may have to seek professional help.) When my little pity party was ending, I started to think what life would be like if I weren’t in it. While there were people I had difficulties with, they were a small minority compared to how many people there are in my life that I love and that I know love me. I realized that my blessings outweighed my challenges tremendously. When I started getting away from focusing on myself, I began to talk to God. I poured out my heart to Him, asking for His strength, comfort and wisdom. Those situations and relationships that were plaguing me needed to be put in His hands. I needed to forgive and move forward. I needed to look at my own actions and take responsibility for them.
As parents, we see our children throw temper tantrums when they don’t get what they want. They scream and stomp and throw themselves down on the ground. The proper way to handle a tantrum is to walk away and not give the child an audience. I use to tell my daughter she could cry and throw a fit all she wanted, as long as she did it in her room. Once they get it all out and realize that no one is watching, they come to themselves. Before you know it, your child is crawling up in your lap with tears in her eyes, saying she is sorry. That’s when you can tend to her real needs and give her the comfort and guidance she needs to move on. Looking back, I see how silly my pity party seemed. But God let me have my little pity party, and when I was done, I was able to come to Him and say I was sorry. I was able to turn to Him for comfort. If I had done that in the first place instead of letting everything build up, I wouldn’t have needed the pity party.
When I was mulling over this idea as a topic for this article, the Lord showed me someone in the Bible who had himself a pity party. When we think about the prophet Elijah, we think about his great miracles, like holding back the rain or raising a boy from the dead. In I Kings 18, we read the story about how he confronted the prophets of Baal on Mount Carmel. He showed the people of Israel and the followers of Baal that the Lord is the only true God when the fire fell and consumed the altar and sacrifice. After this happened, all the prophets of Baal were seized and killed. It was a great and victorious day for Elijah, who was so faithfully serving God and revealing the sin and idolatry of King Ahab and his wife, Jezebel.
As soon as Jezebel heard what had happened to her Baal prophets, she was furious. Maybe Elijah had hoped that this awesome display of God’s power would turn Ahab and Jezebel around. But we learn by reading 1 Kings 19 that it only infuriated her more toward Elijah, whom she already hated. She sent a messenger to tell Elijah that she was going to kill him like he had killed her prophets of Baal. You would think that Elijah, who had just seen God’s power in a dramatic and miraculous fashion, would have laughed at her threat. Instead, he turned tail and ran away, afraid for his life. How quickly he lost his victory!
I Kings 19:4
But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he prayed that he might die, and said, “It is enough! Now, LORD, take my life, for I am no better than my fathers!”
Elijah had had enough. He wanted to just give up and die. Jezebel was bad news. She was a mean, wicked, evil person. As long as she wanted him dead, he would never be safe. He would always have to be looking over his shoulder. He would have to live alone in the wilderness. He thought, what is the point of going on? He wanted the Lord to just take him and put him out of his misery.
1 Kings 19:5-7
Then as he lay and slept under a broom tree, suddenly an angel touched him, and said to him, “Arise and eat.” Then he looked, and there by his head was a cake baked on coals, and a jar of water. So he ate and drank, and lay down again. And the angel of the LORD came back the second time, and touched him, and said, “Arise and eat, because the journey is too great for you.”
After Elijah had his pity party, he was able to sleep and to eat. He wanted to die and give up, but what he really needed was to rest. The Lord allowed him to sleep and provided him with food. Like Elijah, we often let ourselves get run down and wrung out. We push ourselves trying to live up to man’s expectations. We don’t allow ourselves time to hurt and mourn and deal with our emotions. We push the feelings down and we push our bodies onward, trying to be all things to everyone and always saying we are just fine, thank you.
I Kings 19:15-16
Then the LORD said to him: “Go, return on your way to the Wilderness of Damascus; and when you arrive, anoint Hazael as king over Syria. Also you shall anoint Jehu the son of Nimshi as king over Israel. And Elisha the son of Shaphat of Abel Meholah you shall anoint as prophet in your place.
After Elijah has his food and rest, he travels to Mt. Horeb and seeks refuge in a cave. God speaks to him in a still small voice and asks him what he is doing. It says that Elijah pulls his mantle over his face as he explains to God how everyone except him has turned away from the Lord and that everyone wants to kill him. In my mind, I picture that as a childlike gesture – as if Elijah knew he had been shamelessly pouting. Then God gives him instructions on what he is to do. He is, after all, God’s prophet. He still has a work to do. And in verse 18, God assures Elijah that there are still those who are true to the Lord and that he is not alone.
Some days we do feel like Elijah. We feel beat up and deserted. In those dark moments, we need to listen for the still small voice. God is there for us, to bring us peace and comfort and to remind us that we are not alone. But He isn’t just going to just baby us and say, “There, there, it will be okay.” He is also going to remind us that we still have a work to do for Him. We may feel like we want to crawl in a cave and die, but we have to go and return to the life He has given us. We have to put our trust in the Lord each and every day. We’ll still have those good days and bad days. But if we remember that God will never leave nor forsake us, we can get through anything.
I don’t know what I would do without Him in my life – a constant companion, comforter, confidant and conqueror. How can I wallow in self pity knowing that I belong to the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords? Now that’s something to celebrate!